10 Things a Man Should Know About Women

Pin It In honor of International Women's Day last week, I asked Mr.McHunky to help me come up with a list of 10 Things about Women. He was hesitant for obvious reasons but once I offered him full immunity on what he had to say he started spouting things out so fast that I couldn't keep up with him. Apparently he's been keeping some feelings pent up for awhile. I'm sure he feels better now that he got to release them.

Mr.McHunky's 10 Things a Man Should Know About Women:

1. When a woman asks you what you want for dinner the only right answer is 'Whatever you want me to pick up'. Don't make the mistake of assuming she's asking what you want her to cook. She's not.

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2. It does not matter what you say when a woman asks you if she looks fat or if a particular pair of jeans make her butt look big. There is no right answer to these questions. It's a trap. Play deaf and run away.

3. When your wife is at home with the kids all day and asks you what time you will be home from work, think carefully before answering. If you say 30 minutes rest assured she is setting the timer as you speak. If you show up over an hour late you'd better be carrying a bottle of wine and something shiny that sparkles.

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4. The characters on television shows are real life people as far as a woman is concerned. Making jokes about McDreamy or that crazy chick on Desperate Housewives will get you the stink eye. You will be expected to watch these shows along side your wife in what will be referred to as 'quality time'. Don't bother fighting it.

5. Volunteering to help with the laundry is a nice gesture but be warned that you will be expected to follow through on that offer. Screwing up the job by throwing your wife's brand new cashmere sweater and lacy underthings in the dryer will not get you out of laundry duty in the future. It will however ensure that the credit card gets maxed out when she goes out to replace the items you ruined.

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6. Women are devious creatures. They have ways of making you do things that you didn't want to do and somehow you end up thinking it was your idea to do those things in the first place. A woman's brain is a mysterious and wondrous place....and oh so terrifying.

7. When you've been married for a long time you will begin to realize that you have been trained. You won't see it happening but one day as you are getting out of bed in the middle of the night to adjust the thermostat because your wife has woken you up complaining of being cold you will realize that you have been trained. By then it's too late to halt the training process.

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8. Never get in the middle of the drama that seems to happen in women's friendships. Steer clear. Listen with open ears and a closed mouth when your wife wants to vent. Your natural inclination will be to take your wife's side and object loudly to whatever perceived insult she has suffered. Resist the urge. Inevitably the women will make up and move on but your wife will remember what you said about her friend in the heat of the battle. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

9. Your wife is always right. Just accept it as fact. You can either fight to be right or you can be happy but rarely can you be both. And if being right makes your wife happy then maybe she'll feel like making you happy. But only on certain days of the month, if she shaved her legs and ate a small dinner. And the stars align perfectly with the sun and moon to form what is known as your golden moment.

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10. After you have children your wife will have an advantage in every single fight that you will ever have. No matter how right you are or how persuasively you argue your point, you cannot trump childbirth. Once she pulls the 'Oh yeah, well I pushed 3 babies out of my vagina' card, the fight is effectively over. You cannot beat that.

So there you have it, straight from Mr.McHunky, 10 Things that a Man Should Know About Women. I'm already regretting that whole immunity clause.

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